Things I noticed, on the way to somewhere else

Tomorrow is bump-in day. Day after that is show day.
So today was walk-around-do-errands-and-look-at-things day.

Here are some things I found when I went to buy some milk. Then some things I found on the way to the Festival Venue.

Oooh.. what’s that red thing behind fence…?


Oh it’s just a car.

I overheard a discussion by some passers by who decided it was an artwork or an ingenius prank.

This is what happens when a 100 year old barber gets their branding campaign done by a Gen Y advertising executive.

Possibly re-acting to comments that they are hard to understand, the Scottish have designed a sign that clearly says NO LOADING.

But just to make sure you get the message they put them EVERYWHERE.

Another example of handy sign work by the Scottish. This bin takes everything EXCEPT CYCLES.

And finally, I saw these two on the way home from my errands. They could well end up being one of my favourite festival performances of the week. You can’t see it in the photo – but the guy on the right is really rocking out to the guitar (nodding his head, tapping the beer can etc – about as much emotion as you can expect from someone who may well be English) and the guy on the left is giving it all he’s got and the whole street can hear him singing.

I don’t photograph monuments, rather get the postcard

I’m traveling overseas for the first time since 2006 (it’s 2010 as I type this, so you can do the math).

Now it’s not that I don’t think castles, old buildings and monuments are impressive, but I don’t think the world needs any more photos of the Eiffel Tower, thank you. Especially when other people with much better cameras, from much better angles with more impressive sunsets have already got the shot and printed it on a postcard for me.

So instead I take photos that make me giggle, like this.

Humps for 370 yards

I know it’s never going to be a postcard,  and not everyone giggles at the word hump on a sign. So expect photos of all sorts of things while you’re here.

Like London giving out FREE HIRE BIKES. Really! Look!


And they even give you advice on how to ride it safely, how thoughtful.

Did you know that Dubai Airport gives you the freedom to advertise smoking? And according to the advertisement ‘the freedom to enjoy’ it too.

As long as you’re in this box.

That’s it from the first day of travels.

Tomorrow.

Edinburgh.

Girls In Comedy, Hey?

This article was originally written for The Doll Rag and published online in November 2009. I thought I would re-post it here too, with a mild edit. Original article and comments can be found here.

Girls in comedy, hey?

This is one of those topics that I’m not always sure about discussing… Is it making a bigger issue out of it to bring it up or is it useful to bring it up…

In some ways, it’s almost (close) to being a non-issue to me. I have personally found that the Perth comedy scene is so supportive of everyone, whether you’re a girl, boy, puppet, alcoholic…or Britney Spears fan. We have a few good girls on the scene already, and more are signing up from time to time. Perth comedy is like a big family, even if there are the distant relatives that crash the gatherings quite often, and I feel included and love all the comedy kids and (I think) they love me too.

It’s not about me being a girl, and being funny. It’s about me being Bonnie, and being funny.

But then occasionally you do have to look at some of the facts..

FACT ONE – There are often line-ups with no girls.

And when there are girls on a line-up it’s noticeable. Not because there aren’t normally funny girls, but because there aren’t that many girls on the scene.

FACT TWO – Because of this it’s easier to identify the girls.

So of course if a girl does well on stage it’s noticeable, and she’ll be told

‘I don’t normally find girls funny, but I liked your stuff’

And if she does badly she won’t be told anything but people will leave whispering to each other

‘I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t find girls funny’

Actually they just found a comedian funny or not funny. Being a girl has nothing to do with it. I always think that the comments people make say a lot more about them (or the world they live in) than it does about the comedian. Note how I did not use the term ‘female comedian’ or ‘comedienne’.

FACT THREE – People make assumptions based on gender

Of course some people switch off as soon as they see a girl walk on stage.

Again, says more about them than it does about the comedian.

It’s only natural for everyone to be a little bit sexist about the whole thing. We make instant judgements on people every day. Why would standup be any different?

Standup comedy is relatively new in the world. In the days of Shakespearian theatre women weren’t allowed to perform and men would dress as women. Look how far we’ve come today.

I don’t think it’s a problem that there are a lack of women in comedy.

Ok I do.

But I think that it will only be a problem if there continues to be a lack of women on stage. But I predict that this will change over time as more and more girls see girls on stage and realise ‘hey I can probably do that’.

People who say they don’t like ‘female comedy’ have probably not seen that much comedy… or just some bad comedians…tampon jokes, period pieces… sure there are some terrible ‘female’ jokes out there. But they are equally matched with cock, sex and cum jokes from the boys.

Or boys simulating sex on stage (quite accurately). Puh-lease. Keep it in the bedroom boys. No-one wants to know how you swing your kit about, and if they do they’ll approach you after the show.

The thing is that (often) when a girl makes a bad joke you remember it, and if a boy does you don’t.

No, really.

At an open mic room in Perth a load of comedians got up.. two of them destroyed (comedy term for doing really well), the MC killed (comedy term for doing really well) and everyone else died (comedy term for not getting any laughs and wanting to cut yourself when you get home)…

What I’m saying is

Eight guys died on stage.

One girl died on stage.

What everyone remembered was

The girl was terrible.

That the MC and other two boys were funny.

There is a load more I could say about all this.

Stories I could tell. Examples I could give. Books to write, movies to make, documentaries to pitch to the ABC.

But you know what, I just can’t be fucked.

I’d rather just be funny.

I rarely fall for people, I have excellent balance

Dear Internet,

Yes, I’m single.

Something comedians often use as a punchline on stage.

‘So I’m single…’

Or they tell ‘hilarious’ stories about their partner and then admit they’re just kidding

‘I don’t even HAVE a girlfriend’

(by this statement you could assume that all comedians are ONLY  boys or lesbians… but actually it’s just that most of them are boys, and the girls usually joke about being lesbian anyway… )

This blog is not a cry for help. I’m not in need of advice, please don’t tell me how fabulous I am, or how it’s ‘their loss’. Once a very close friend told me that the reason I hadn’t been in a relationship for such a long time (2006 – 2010, why does that read like a gravestone?) was because there was something ‘wrong inside’ that I wasn’t dealing with, but apparently once I figured out what it was then ‘it would start happening’.

I hung up on them.

Although denial is often the first sign of a problem (and I’m sure I do have problems) I’d like to strongly deny that something ‘wrong inside’ is the reason I’m not in a relationship. There are plenty of people who have something ‘wrong inside’ and still manage to find themselves in relationships.

The thing is no matter how many people you’ve gone out with, how long you’ve been married, how you found your partner or how many of your friends you have set up with other people, you cannot give me a sure-fire recipe to finding a successful relationship.

Relationships are not like baking a cake.

There is not a universal set of instructions where you get guaranteed cake (read relationship). There is no recipe that EVERYONE can follow. Someone isn’t single because they missed one small step, and that’s why it didn’t work…

“Oh he doesn’t want to go out with you?
Let’s see… oh you forgot the put the self-raising flour in… the heat is on way too high…oops, you followed a recipe for flatbread…”

It’s not that I don’t get a bit sad about it occasionally, or feel a bit like a lesbian that hasn’t realised she’s a lesbian (there’s that lesbian reference I promised in the first paragraph!) or that I’ve stopped falling for people..

I still have crushes, I still fall in love with strangers in supermarkets when we buy the same brand (oh how very GEN-Y of me…), I’m not a nun and I haven’t been celibate for half a decade. There have been boys.

It just doesn’t work out for me most of the time.

Yes, yes, there is advice for people like me. For the singles.

I admit I’m not good at flirting. I suffer from chronic FLIRT-FAIL resulting in frequent mis-interpretations.

Mainly because so many boys think a smile and a hug is a ticket to my bedroom… uh, no thank you, I was just saying hello.  Although you won’t know if I do like you – because you’ll get the same hug and smile that everyone else gets.

FLIRT-FAIL!

I also realise that I hang out with the same friends and social circles frequently, and actually very rarely meet anyone ‘new’ (although at a certain age most people aren’t  really ‘new’ and ‘second-hand’ seems a more appropriate term).

YES I’VE HEARD OF INTERNET DATING! eHarmony actually looks quite good, so maybe when I get back from travelling…

I know there are things I can do.

And sometimes it does make me sad.

When it does I appreciate your hugs, your advice and occasionally I even buy into your ‘fabulous’ descriptions of me and generic statements about fish swimming in sea (although you have to admit a lot of fish look similar and smell quite bad). But please, don’t feel sorry for me or feel that there is something to ‘fix’ in this situation.

That’s it. That’s all.

Now…I’m off to the supermarket.

Bonnie blogs

This isn’t really a blog yet, but it will be.
Just you wait…